Okay, so I know outward beauty is not supposed to be important, but as the scale continues to creep up I am beginning to lose sight of that; losing sight of the beauty that there is in carrying new life. All I can think about is going on a diet, running a marathon, starting up P90x again. It is really becoming an idol in my life. I wonder if Eve had the kind of body images issues so many of us seem to have today... She probably never looked in a mirror/or at her reflection. Heck she was the current day standard, no one around to compare herself to... Yet I have a sneaking suspicion that she thought there must've been flaws, I mean once sin was introduced she ran fast to cover up right!?
So where does that leave me? How with an amazing husband (who validates me and tells me I'm beautiful at every turn), a sweet little family who is growing in size and in love can I stare at my reflection with something that is frighteningly similar to loathing!? I'm not sure. God continues to humble me and drive me to my knees... Even with something as silly as vanity. Why am I telling you all this? Well I’ve been challenged lately that the enemy can only attack what I leave in the dark…so I want to bring this darkness to light. I don't want to be held captive by a number on the scale, the size on my clothing tags or the image reflecting back at me. I don't want to be self-absorbed, self-conscience and so centered on myself. It's ugly. It's not right and it really stops me from being in the center of God's will (whatever that might be at a given moment).
Does that mean I won't work out when the time comes up... no. I just don't want to be a slave to a standard I can't reach...My prayer this week is that God would continue in His mercy to reveal these dark places… that I would be quick to bring darkness to light, that I might have a heart like His.
Pray for me folks! I'll continue to pray for all of us to be conformed not to this world but to image of Christ Jesus. We are “image bearers” after all. So we are Beautiful.
Verse for me today: Psalm 119 9-11
9 How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.
The musings of a mother, wife and traveller of life
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Quick Thoughts - Learning to lean on Him
Long time no post I know… I’m settling in to this whole new world of being a mom… again. Thoughts are creeping in on all sides … good and bad. Feelings of inadequacy are teeming at the surface and every once in a while I feel just a bit like an ostrich sticking its head in the dirt. Everyone can still find me but I’m desperate to hide. Don’t get me wrong I’m excited to embark on this new journey. Staying at home and being with my TWO kids; but I’m afraid I won’t be good enough, won’t teach the right things and won’t impart the right knowledge… Let’s face it I AM inadequate… My new prayer is that Abba- Daddy would be with me, be my sustenance, cover my inadequacies, and protect my children …even from me!
So it begins; in 6 weeks I start my maternity leave and a week or two after that I have my daughter Eliana (PTL I don’t have to go any later than 39 weeks, sorry if that appalls some of you, but the knowledge that they will let me induce then as a 2nd time mom keeps me sane… and it’s a cool day Leap day!!). I am seeing everything through Rose/pink colored glasses! I’m excited for frilly dresses and toe nail polish… but I’m terrified of screwing her up… I’m sure you can screw up a son just as easily… but it doesn’t feel that way… somehow it seems that even before she is born there are already expectations the world has for her. That she be thin, that she be successful, that she be coy without being trashy… How do I give her confidence and self-assurance without instilling all these worldly values!? Me who am constantly plagued by the needle on the scale or the way an outfit looks or a fly away hair? How do I teach Eliana that she is a daughter of the King - without tainting her with the world? I think I’ll stick my head back in the ground thank you… I guess it all goes back to relying on Jesus who is adequate in my inadequacies… Pray for me friends not to worry so much!!! Boy do I feel refined by fire before my little one is even here!
Well that’s it…. just a few thoughts I wanted to squeeze out.
So it begins; in 6 weeks I start my maternity leave and a week or two after that I have my daughter Eliana (PTL I don’t have to go any later than 39 weeks, sorry if that appalls some of you, but the knowledge that they will let me induce then as a 2nd time mom keeps me sane… and it’s a cool day Leap day!!). I am seeing everything through Rose/pink colored glasses! I’m excited for frilly dresses and toe nail polish… but I’m terrified of screwing her up… I’m sure you can screw up a son just as easily… but it doesn’t feel that way… somehow it seems that even before she is born there are already expectations the world has for her. That she be thin, that she be successful, that she be coy without being trashy… How do I give her confidence and self-assurance without instilling all these worldly values!? Me who am constantly plagued by the needle on the scale or the way an outfit looks or a fly away hair? How do I teach Eliana that she is a daughter of the King - without tainting her with the world? I think I’ll stick my head back in the ground thank you… I guess it all goes back to relying on Jesus who is adequate in my inadequacies… Pray for me friends not to worry so much!!! Boy do I feel refined by fire before my little one is even here!
Well that’s it…. just a few thoughts I wanted to squeeze out.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Hamburger! (It's a girl!)
Had our anatomy scan! Everything is looking great! My placenta moved up and out of range from the cervix in a very short time (a miracle of God by the prayers of those bikers I talked about in a previous blog) and we got a shot of what's supposed to be our baby girl...a "classic hamburger shot" as a friend on facebook lovingly called it! So Dreaming in pink, bows and ribbons... Here are some shots of my lil sweet heart!
Highs- Finding out we're having a girl!
Highs- FInding out the placenta has moved!
Lows- NO SUCH THING TODAY!!! xoxo
Highs- Finding out we're having a girl!
Highs- FInding out the placenta has moved!
Lows- NO SUCH THING TODAY!!! xoxo
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Construction Theme Birthday Parties & 18 Week Bun!
Please forgive my blogging silence! It has been a CRAZY few weeks!
Luca’s 2nd birthday party was a great success! I think all the Kids had fun! We had a construction birthday theme! Between me and my BFF Layla we were able to pull it off. Here are a few picts (more to come later).
*Dirt Cake made by the lovely Layla!*
*Caution Signs marked different stations for the kids to play with! This was the "wet paint section"
*Dirt Cupcakes by Layla*
*The Wrecking Ball and wall for the kids to knock over!*
*Favors and Construction Hats!*
*My Big 2 Year Old!*
I have to say Luca has never slept so well!
I find out what baby # 2 is next Tuesday! I’m thinking boy but we’ll see!! No names yet so I’m taking suggestions that go with “Luca” have strong meanings and aren’t TOO trendy.
Here’s my 18 week belly shot!
I Will write more once things settle down (or really when Scott’s done with all the FE exam prep), it’s been crazy to chase Luca around by myself… SCOTT if you are reading this you are NOT allowed to die EVER!
Highs: FINALLY getting over morning sickness and at 18 weeks feeling like my normal self again! This is a feeling I never had while pregnant with Luca! It’s weird to have a belly but not FEEL pregnant! I’ve had some movement, but I’ve been too busy to notice when/how much!
Lows: Scott having class every weekend/all weekend long the last few weeks. :(
Xoxox,
Nikki
Luca’s 2nd birthday party was a great success! I think all the Kids had fun! We had a construction birthday theme! Between me and my BFF Layla we were able to pull it off. Here are a few picts (more to come later).
*Dirt Cake made by the lovely Layla!*
*Caution Signs marked different stations for the kids to play with! This was the "wet paint section"
*Dirt Cupcakes by Layla*
*The Wrecking Ball and wall for the kids to knock over!*
*Favors and Construction Hats!*
*My Big 2 Year Old!*
I have to say Luca has never slept so well!
I find out what baby # 2 is next Tuesday! I’m thinking boy but we’ll see!! No names yet so I’m taking suggestions that go with “Luca” have strong meanings and aren’t TOO trendy.
Here’s my 18 week belly shot!
I Will write more once things settle down (or really when Scott’s done with all the FE exam prep), it’s been crazy to chase Luca around by myself… SCOTT if you are reading this you are NOT allowed to die EVER!
Highs: FINALLY getting over morning sickness and at 18 weeks feeling like my normal self again! This is a feeling I never had while pregnant with Luca! It’s weird to have a belly but not FEEL pregnant! I’ve had some movement, but I’ve been too busy to notice when/how much!
Lows: Scott having class every weekend/all weekend long the last few weeks. :(
Xoxox,
Nikki
Friday, September 23, 2011
Delighted Momma: 3 Ingredient Peach Cobbler
Delighted Momma: 3 Ingredient Peach Cobbler: Do you ever pretend like a recipe takes a lot more work and effort than it really does? Or am I the only weirdo who does this? I have been...
I tried this recipe and it flopped!...Well to be totally honest I let Scott make it (I promise to step it up in the kitchen one of these days ;)). However the cake mix didn't turn in to the beautiful creation showed in Delighted Momma's pictures! It stayed as cake powder! We took the cobbler to small group and got some suggestions. We are going to try tweaking some things and getting back to you all with the results. In the meantime you all try it out and let me know if yours comes out better than ours did! If so PLEASE tell me what we (cou-Scott-ggh) did wrong! xoxox I'm desperate for yummy cobbler!
I tried this recipe and it flopped!...Well to be totally honest I let Scott make it (I promise to step it up in the kitchen one of these days ;)). However the cake mix didn't turn in to the beautiful creation showed in Delighted Momma's pictures! It stayed as cake powder! We took the cobbler to small group and got some suggestions. We are going to try tweaking some things and getting back to you all with the results. In the meantime you all try it out and let me know if yours comes out better than ours did! If so PLEASE tell me what we (cou-Scott-ggh) did wrong! xoxox I'm desperate for yummy cobbler!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Tasty Tuesdays~ and other bits of randomness
If I’m going to prove my SAHM capabilities to my hubs I’d better step it up a notch in the kitchen. He is not only the primary bread winner in the house hold… but sadly the primary bread maker. In attempt to encourage his faith in me (so that I can live my dream of domesticated bliss) I have decided to at least TRY and cook.
I was briefly a pampered chef consultant (I quit because sadly I do not have the knack for following up on needed sales leads and OH yeah I’m not actually a “chef”)during my brief stint as a consultant I learned to make an amazing Turkey Chili! Not only is it healthy; it is incredibly easy and get this MADE IN THE MICRO WAVE!!!
All you need is a trip to the grocery store for the needed supplies, a stone baker (metal won’t work as we are making this in the microwave) and about 30-45 min. I have to say it was a HUGE hit… not so much with the hubby though… apparently he’s not a huge fan of turkey *He read this and corrected me... he's not a fan of chili beans... not much i can do about that*… he said something else but I must have been doing one of those selective hearing things! I've added my comments in bold... Bon Appétit!
Ingredients Needed:
1 cup chopped onion
1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and chopped (leave the seeds if you want it to be spicy!)
1 cup diced green bell pepper
1 pound 99% lean ground turkey (93% will work but you need a little extra 1.5 lbs)
2 tablespoons Basil Blend Canola oil (OR olive or canola)
3 garlic cloves, pressed
¾ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons Southwestern Seasoning Mix (you can use taco seasonging)
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 can (28 ounces) diced tomatoes, undrained (I got diced tomatoes in cilantro! mmm)
1 can (15 ounces) black beans, drained and rinsed
1 can (16 ounces) chili beans in sauce, undrained
½ cup hot water
Cooking Instructions:
1. chop onion and jalapeño pepper. Dice bell pepper. Place vegetables in stone ware (has to be pretty deep); microwave, uncovered, on HIGH 4-5 minutes or until tender.
2. Add turkey, oil, garlic and salt; mix well. Microwave, uncovered, an additional 5-6 minutes, stirring halfway through and breaking turkey mixture into crumbles.
3. Add seasoning mix and flour; mix well to coat. Stir in tomatoes, beans and water. Microwave, uncovered, an additional 12-14 minutes or until slightly thickened, stirring once halfway through cooking.
Makes about: 6 servings
Only about Calories 280! Total Fat 6 g, Saturated Fat 0 g, Cholesterol 30 mg, Carbohydrate 27 g, Protein 25 g, Sodium 970 mg, Fiber 8 g
This recipe was adapted from (C) 2011 Pampered Chef
In other news I’m now 16 weeks! SO far so good with the Placenta Previa, Going for a checkup tomorrow! Here’s my baby belly:
BTW I’ve been rocking the side braid ever since I watched Miss Universe last week. The stylist demonstrated how to make a messy hair day a cute one with a braid (and today was def a messy hair day):
Oh and one more thing just for fun… This weekend I was feeling pretty down and thought I’d do a “every girl should ______ from time to time”… well this weekend I rocked some Kim Kardashian worthy Eyelashes! So for my fill in the blank: Every girl should rock eye HUGE eyelashes from time to time!:
SOOOO FUN! TIP-Use black adhesive and add it from the outer part of the eye to the inner (other wise you might have too much hanging off the end!).
This week’s Lows: The truck breaking down to the Tune of $1500…
This week’s highs: Preparing for Luca’s 2nd birthday coming up this Saturday!!! EEEEK so excited!
I was briefly a pampered chef consultant (I quit because sadly I do not have the knack for following up on needed sales leads and OH yeah I’m not actually a “chef”)during my brief stint as a consultant I learned to make an amazing Turkey Chili! Not only is it healthy; it is incredibly easy and get this MADE IN THE MICRO WAVE!!!
All you need is a trip to the grocery store for the needed supplies, a stone baker (metal won’t work as we are making this in the microwave) and about 30-45 min. I have to say it was a HUGE hit… not so much with the hubby though… apparently he’s not a huge fan of turkey *He read this and corrected me... he's not a fan of chili beans... not much i can do about that*… he said something else but I must have been doing one of those selective hearing things! I've added my comments in bold... Bon Appétit!
Ingredients Needed:
1 cup chopped onion
1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and chopped (leave the seeds if you want it to be spicy!)
1 cup diced green bell pepper
1 pound 99% lean ground turkey (93% will work but you need a little extra 1.5 lbs)
2 tablespoons Basil Blend Canola oil (OR olive or canola)
3 garlic cloves, pressed
¾ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons Southwestern Seasoning Mix (you can use taco seasonging)
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 can (28 ounces) diced tomatoes, undrained (I got diced tomatoes in cilantro! mmm)
1 can (15 ounces) black beans, drained and rinsed
1 can (16 ounces) chili beans in sauce, undrained
½ cup hot water
Cooking Instructions:
1. chop onion and jalapeño pepper. Dice bell pepper. Place vegetables in stone ware (has to be pretty deep); microwave, uncovered, on HIGH 4-5 minutes or until tender.
2. Add turkey, oil, garlic and salt; mix well. Microwave, uncovered, an additional 5-6 minutes, stirring halfway through and breaking turkey mixture into crumbles.
3. Add seasoning mix and flour; mix well to coat. Stir in tomatoes, beans and water. Microwave, uncovered, an additional 12-14 minutes or until slightly thickened, stirring once halfway through cooking.
Makes about: 6 servings
Only about Calories 280! Total Fat 6 g, Saturated Fat 0 g, Cholesterol 30 mg, Carbohydrate 27 g, Protein 25 g, Sodium 970 mg, Fiber 8 g
This recipe was adapted from (C) 2011 Pampered Chef
In other news I’m now 16 weeks! SO far so good with the Placenta Previa, Going for a checkup tomorrow! Here’s my baby belly:
BTW I’ve been rocking the side braid ever since I watched Miss Universe last week. The stylist demonstrated how to make a messy hair day a cute one with a braid (and today was def a messy hair day):
Oh and one more thing just for fun… This weekend I was feeling pretty down and thought I’d do a “every girl should ______ from time to time”… well this weekend I rocked some Kim Kardashian worthy Eyelashes! So for my fill in the blank: Every girl should rock eye HUGE eyelashes from time to time!:
SOOOO FUN! TIP-Use black adhesive and add it from the outer part of the eye to the inner (other wise you might have too much hanging off the end!).
This week’s Lows: The truck breaking down to the Tune of $1500…
This week’s highs: Preparing for Luca’s 2nd birthday coming up this Saturday!!! EEEEK so excited!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Happy Friday!
I'm so grateful its Friday you can't even begin to imagine how much!!! I know you shouldn't "wish your life away" for the weekend but I love the down time and hanging out with my family so much it’s hard not to want to skip the stuff in between!
Scott starts his FE/PE Prep courses today! I’m so proud of him and excited that he’s moving forward with his career. Even though I am thrilled he’s moving onward I had a hard time letting him go this morning! We have never been a part in the 3 + years or marriage! Not for more than a few hours (a work day). I’m not really looking forward to 3 weekends of him being away. I am so thankful however that he’s willing to make this sacrifice for the betterment of our family and that God didn’t let things with the Air force pan out because I wouldn’t have made a very good military wife. I’m selfish and want Scott to be with me ALL the time!!!Seriously I have one GREAT man! Let me brag on him for a second; when I get home from work dinner is on the table… he does this somehow while still picking up Luca from “grandmas”/babysitters, having significantly less sleep then me ( leaves 2 hours BEFORE me for work in the AM, even though he stays up with me at night because he wants to be with me)… then after all this he gives Luca a bath ( Luca prefers him to do this because I’m not as fun, I sit and read a book while he bathes while Scott makes bath time fun by introducing car noises, rocket ships crashes and sharks swimming in the tub). Every Friday he brings Luca to see me at work along with a huge salad...and as if all this was not enough he gets up and cooks breakfast for me and Luca on the weekends(normally whatever Luca is craving; pancakes or doughnuts and whatever I’m craving!) AND my personal favorite thing;he always keeps my car filled with gas… I don’t even know when/how he does it… but I never put gas in my car. EVER… It’s always magically full… Sigh… THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU JESUS FOR MY GIFT OF A HUSBAND!!! Ha-ha that’s only the tip of the iceberg but you get the picture (thanks for letting me brag for a bit). Sigh… can’t wait for these classes to be over!!!
The other reason I feel like I really need him the next few weekends is that I was diagnosed with Complete Placenta Previa yesterday. I’m not on bed rest or anything but I’m not supposed to be lugging Luca around or doing a ton of physical activity (hard to do with a 2 year old!). I’m really glad to have a reason behind my complications though.*TMI WARNING*** MENTION OF WOMANLY THINGS*** If you’ve read my blog before you know I’ve had a few scares (when I thought I might be miscarrying b/c of bleeding) and have had on going problems with spotting... Well it turns out if the placenta is covering the cervix, blood can sometimes leak out. The hope is (since I’m still pretty early on) that the Placenta will move up as the baby does (it never moves down). If it doesn’t completely move off the cervix then I will have to have a C-section… but we are taking things one day at a time. Last night the Elders at Oasis motorcycle ministry ( I was leading worship for their annual retreat) felt prompted to lay hands on me… so maybe that darn placenta’s already moved up through the power of the Holy Spirit working by their faith! May it be so!!! My mom was pretty funny when I told her about the Placenta Previa… she said
‘You Just can’t have a normal pregnancy can you”… ha-ha I said
‘no mom I guess I can’t! But I’m truly grateful to God because he knows how complacent I get. If it weren’t for Luca’s SUA/Preeclampsia and Baby Jo-Jo Haun’s (as Luca told me the baby was called last night/ probably because his lil best friend is Oliva-Jo or Jo-Jo) Placenta Previa/ beginning stages of Preeclampsia (utters prayer against this) I wouldn’t have prayed/been praying for my babies… To God be all the Glory in all things right?! His ways and thoughts are truly higher than ours (Isaiah 55). I will never stop being amazed at his sovereignty, providence and mercy!
SO I will end this longer than normal blog with a request for MORE prayers. I truly believe that our Lord desires the prayers of his saints. Together we can do all things in Christ Jesus who is our Strength. I am declaring victory over my pregnancy in the Name of Jesus and consider all these present trials pure Joy because I know that the testing of my faith is producing perseverance! And hopefully I can let that perseverance finish its work so that I may be mature and complete not lacking in anything!
Lows: Finding out I had a complete placenta Previa
Highs: Being prayed over for healing by tough bikers for Jesus and realizing that God has his hand on even this.
Scott starts his FE/PE Prep courses today! I’m so proud of him and excited that he’s moving forward with his career. Even though I am thrilled he’s moving onward I had a hard time letting him go this morning! We have never been a part in the 3 + years or marriage! Not for more than a few hours (a work day). I’m not really looking forward to 3 weekends of him being away. I am so thankful however that he’s willing to make this sacrifice for the betterment of our family and that God didn’t let things with the Air force pan out because I wouldn’t have made a very good military wife. I’m selfish and want Scott to be with me ALL the time!!!Seriously I have one GREAT man! Let me brag on him for a second; when I get home from work dinner is on the table… he does this somehow while still picking up Luca from “grandmas”/babysitters, having significantly less sleep then me ( leaves 2 hours BEFORE me for work in the AM, even though he stays up with me at night because he wants to be with me)… then after all this he gives Luca a bath ( Luca prefers him to do this because I’m not as fun, I sit and read a book while he bathes while Scott makes bath time fun by introducing car noises, rocket ships crashes and sharks swimming in the tub). Every Friday he brings Luca to see me at work along with a huge salad...and as if all this was not enough he gets up and cooks breakfast for me and Luca on the weekends(normally whatever Luca is craving; pancakes or doughnuts and whatever I’m craving!) AND my personal favorite thing;he always keeps my car filled with gas… I don’t even know when/how he does it… but I never put gas in my car. EVER… It’s always magically full… Sigh… THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU JESUS FOR MY GIFT OF A HUSBAND!!! Ha-ha that’s only the tip of the iceberg but you get the picture (thanks for letting me brag for a bit). Sigh… can’t wait for these classes to be over!!!
The other reason I feel like I really need him the next few weekends is that I was diagnosed with Complete Placenta Previa yesterday. I’m not on bed rest or anything but I’m not supposed to be lugging Luca around or doing a ton of physical activity (hard to do with a 2 year old!). I’m really glad to have a reason behind my complications though.*TMI WARNING*** MENTION OF WOMANLY THINGS*** If you’ve read my blog before you know I’ve had a few scares (when I thought I might be miscarrying b/c of bleeding) and have had on going problems with spotting... Well it turns out if the placenta is covering the cervix, blood can sometimes leak out. The hope is (since I’m still pretty early on) that the Placenta will move up as the baby does (it never moves down). If it doesn’t completely move off the cervix then I will have to have a C-section… but we are taking things one day at a time. Last night the Elders at Oasis motorcycle ministry ( I was leading worship for their annual retreat) felt prompted to lay hands on me… so maybe that darn placenta’s already moved up through the power of the Holy Spirit working by their faith! May it be so!!! My mom was pretty funny when I told her about the Placenta Previa… she said
‘You Just can’t have a normal pregnancy can you”… ha-ha I said
‘no mom I guess I can’t! But I’m truly grateful to God because he knows how complacent I get. If it weren’t for Luca’s SUA/Preeclampsia and Baby Jo-Jo Haun’s (as Luca told me the baby was called last night/ probably because his lil best friend is Oliva-Jo or Jo-Jo) Placenta Previa/ beginning stages of Preeclampsia (utters prayer against this) I wouldn’t have prayed/been praying for my babies… To God be all the Glory in all things right?! His ways and thoughts are truly higher than ours (Isaiah 55). I will never stop being amazed at his sovereignty, providence and mercy!
SO I will end this longer than normal blog with a request for MORE prayers. I truly believe that our Lord desires the prayers of his saints. Together we can do all things in Christ Jesus who is our Strength. I am declaring victory over my pregnancy in the Name of Jesus and consider all these present trials pure Joy because I know that the testing of my faith is producing perseverance! And hopefully I can let that perseverance finish its work so that I may be mature and complete not lacking in anything!
Lows: Finding out I had a complete placenta Previa
Highs: Being prayed over for healing by tough bikers for Jesus and realizing that God has his hand on even this.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Not so Wordless Wednesday
~Not so Wordless Wednesday~
I’m going to introduce “wordless Wednesdays” Where I only put up a picture (they’re worth a thousand words right)!? I saw it on another blog and thought it was really neat!! The only problem for me is the not adding any words part… So I’m giving myself a week to let the idea fester. Here’s my picture for today:
Note the location of the chocolate in relation to my chair… Probably not the best idea for a preggo who wants to avoid gaining 70Lbs this go around…Not too bad you might be thinking… just a harmless little bowl of chocolate…well then you have to see my “stash”:
NOW that picture really is worth a thousand words… or at least a thousand pieces of chocolate…I’m actually not too tempted by the chocolate. I keep each bag of specialty morsels for certain individuals at my office. When you work with all men you find ways to keep them happy!
Week High:
Made it to my 2nd Trimester Here’s my belly shot… somehow it got smaller than my last one… I think I was bloated before… It’s okay I oww and awww over gas too… the baby’s in there somewhere right!?
Week Low: “re-piping” being done in our apartment for the next week= no water and no showers… aren’t you glad you don’t live near me!?
I’m going to introduce “wordless Wednesdays” Where I only put up a picture (they’re worth a thousand words right)!? I saw it on another blog and thought it was really neat!! The only problem for me is the not adding any words part… So I’m giving myself a week to let the idea fester. Here’s my picture for today:
Note the location of the chocolate in relation to my chair… Probably not the best idea for a preggo who wants to avoid gaining 70Lbs this go around…Not too bad you might be thinking… just a harmless little bowl of chocolate…well then you have to see my “stash”:
NOW that picture really is worth a thousand words… or at least a thousand pieces of chocolate…I’m actually not too tempted by the chocolate. I keep each bag of specialty morsels for certain individuals at my office. When you work with all men you find ways to keep them happy!
Week High:
Made it to my 2nd Trimester Here’s my belly shot… somehow it got smaller than my last one… I think I was bloated before… It’s okay I oww and awww over gas too… the baby’s in there somewhere right!?
Week Low: “re-piping” being done in our apartment for the next week= no water and no showers… aren’t you glad you don’t live near me!?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
The Plague and some baby blues~
So I know I promised to blog more... And yet here I am 4-5 weeks from my last post finally posting a blog (and this one will have to be short). I really did mean to write something sooner, but the Haun house hold has just begun to recover from the Plague (not the real plague of course, that was deadly and bubonic) but the pneumonia inducing (at least in Scott’s case see his pict at hosp), fever spiking, nose dripping, lying in bed 24-7 variety of plague… and I’m cautiously declaring our freedom from the nasty little virus that is now making its way through the Rivera house hold (sorry fam!).PRAISE GOD!!! Their recovery couldn’t have come at a better time because today I am 12 weeks pregnant and more exhausted then ever!
Exhaustion is my new way of life. It seems that I rarely have a moment in which I feel like myself. I’m definitely not one of these “I love being pregnant” type gals, the end result is worth it (at least it feels that way at the end) but all this in between stuff is not for the weak at heart. Every day I think the nausea is starting to subside and decide that it will be the day I wean myself off Zofran (the miracle morning sickness drug), and every day I throw up everything I’ve had that day and then some… and dig my Zofran out of the drawer…so it looks like my love affair with it will continue… It worries me a little because there has not been much research done on it, but the midwives keep assuring me that it is safe… hmmm When do the benefits ever really outweigh the risks? …
In other prego news I have not been able to shake feelings of general sadness. I’m not a sad person, I love to laugh, play, sing dance and I haven’t really felt like doing any of that these last few weeks. I’ve been feeling disconnected with everyone and everything and even with this pregnancy… It’s been rough I’m not going to lie. It’s been a struggle to get out of bed and put my clothes on! SO if you are a little prayer warrior would you mind adding me to your list!? The enemy sure knows how to speak lies to us in our most vulnerable moments… I’m trying to cling to the truth that God will never leave me or forsake me! I have my 12 week checkup today at 2:15 maybe that will give me some excitement over new baby and cheer me up!
Today’s High- Getting to go to my 12 week check up!
Today’s Low- Having to take a jug of my pee to my 12 week check up to get a baseline on my protein (gross, tmi, I know)
OOOOO can’t wait to share my Luca 2 year old birth day ideas!!! VERY COOL!!! xoxox
(can you tell i'm hoping girl?) lol
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
I Bake!
I am now a baker! I actually made my own chees Danish this weekend (Barefoot Contessa Recipe, thanks Daniella Summers!) It was very easy to make… even factoring in that I’m a non cook and don’t even own a hand mixer (recipe called for one of those huge mixers with different attachments). I found that beating it with a fork with all the ingredients at room temp worked just fine. Here’s a picture of my culinary delight…
If I were to make it again I would probably omit the lemon. It called for 2 lemons worth of zest, 1)I’m not a lemon fan and 2) it tasted like a lemon Danish and not a cheese one… but overall I really enjoyed it. I think I’m going to get more puff pastry and bake it with apple filling inside (APPLE TURN OVERS!). My main problem right now is that nothing will stay down. Not even water… I have about a one hour window from2-3pm in which I’m not nauseous and starving to boot! Yesterday at 2pm sharp I had the strongest desire for a chik-filet sandwich and barreled my way down rte. 7 to get one before my nausea returned.
It was the best chicken sandwich ever.
Tonight I’m expanding my culinary genius by attempting chocolate cheese cake cupcakes. Stay tuned!!!
Pregnancy update: Made it to 7 weeks, first apt next Tuesday!
Pregnancy weight gain -3 lbs (morning sickness…)
Luca Update: Kid got his first black eye! Ran right in to a dresser corner… everyone says it wont be his last *Tear
Scott Update: Starts his FE/PE prep classes in a few weeks! I’m going to miss him all those Saturdays but I’m excited for him to take this step!!!
If I were to make it again I would probably omit the lemon. It called for 2 lemons worth of zest, 1)I’m not a lemon fan and 2) it tasted like a lemon Danish and not a cheese one… but overall I really enjoyed it. I think I’m going to get more puff pastry and bake it with apple filling inside (APPLE TURN OVERS!). My main problem right now is that nothing will stay down. Not even water… I have about a one hour window from2-3pm in which I’m not nauseous and starving to boot! Yesterday at 2pm sharp I had the strongest desire for a chik-filet sandwich and barreled my way down rte. 7 to get one before my nausea returned.
It was the best chicken sandwich ever.
Tonight I’m expanding my culinary genius by attempting chocolate cheese cake cupcakes. Stay tuned!!!
Pregnancy update: Made it to 7 weeks, first apt next Tuesday!
Pregnancy weight gain -3 lbs (morning sickness…)
Luca Update: Kid got his first black eye! Ran right in to a dresser corner… everyone says it wont be his last *Tear
Scott Update: Starts his FE/PE prep classes in a few weeks! I’m going to miss him all those Saturdays but I’m excited for him to take this step!!!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Jumped the gun?
I'm very sad right now. This morning I had some spotting and now I have cramping. I officially think something is terribly wrong with my body that at 26 years old i can't seem to hold on to a pregnancy again(if this is the beginnings of a miscarriage)... which we all must admit it just might be.
I thought it wouldn't hurt this time, I thought I'd hardened my heart to the pain and excitement... but I think deep down I thought that this pregnancy was sort of a promise from God that he had not forsaken me in my darkness... I'm far enough along that if everything is okay they should be able to see something. I'm going in for and U/S at 12:45... My faith is so weak right now I have almost no hope of hearing good news.
It's funny how wrong all my presumptions were... I thought if I announced my joyous news to all my friends/family early it would somehow solidify this little life and give him/her some measure of permanence... I also thought, given how sick I’ve been the last 48 hours (all the pregnancy symptoms!) that I had jumped in to the "safe" category of pregnant women as one who displayed all the signs of a "strong" pregnancy. I guess there are no guarantees no matter what. I'm even more thankful for my son Luca now that I know how precarious this baby making thing is. I took it for granted that I could have children when I wanted. I guess I even had pride at how fast I was able to conceive... God forgive my pride and misplaced trust in things other than you!
Hope I have some good news for you all this afternoon... but if not I cling to a God who is found in the broken down...
***UPDATE***
So I do have good news! Thanks be to God my lil beans heart is still beating. I can only hope and pray it stays that way. The Doctor/Radiologist said everything looked great, cramping was normal/common in the first few weeks and they could not see a source for the bleeding (sorry for the TMI). They said it's most likely old blood from implantation. Keep praying for us.
God sure is teaching me to go to him in all things. I just pray I am as faithful in the valley as I am on the mountain Top. Though he slay us right?! XOXOX
My lil Bean
I thought it wouldn't hurt this time, I thought I'd hardened my heart to the pain and excitement... but I think deep down I thought that this pregnancy was sort of a promise from God that he had not forsaken me in my darkness... I'm far enough along that if everything is okay they should be able to see something. I'm going in for and U/S at 12:45... My faith is so weak right now I have almost no hope of hearing good news.
It's funny how wrong all my presumptions were... I thought if I announced my joyous news to all my friends/family early it would somehow solidify this little life and give him/her some measure of permanence... I also thought, given how sick I’ve been the last 48 hours (all the pregnancy symptoms!) that I had jumped in to the "safe" category of pregnant women as one who displayed all the signs of a "strong" pregnancy. I guess there are no guarantees no matter what. I'm even more thankful for my son Luca now that I know how precarious this baby making thing is. I took it for granted that I could have children when I wanted. I guess I even had pride at how fast I was able to conceive... God forgive my pride and misplaced trust in things other than you!
Hope I have some good news for you all this afternoon... but if not I cling to a God who is found in the broken down...
***UPDATE***
So I do have good news! Thanks be to God my lil beans heart is still beating. I can only hope and pray it stays that way. The Doctor/Radiologist said everything looked great, cramping was normal/common in the first few weeks and they could not see a source for the bleeding (sorry for the TMI). They said it's most likely old blood from implantation. Keep praying for us.
God sure is teaching me to go to him in all things. I just pray I am as faithful in the valley as I am on the mountain Top. Though he slay us right?! XOXOX
My lil Bean
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Boy or Girl!?
God willing we'll have a new baby some time late february/early march... and of course that has opened up the question "Do you want a boy or a girl"... now the correct answer for this is "we just want a healthy baby"... I absolutley want nothing but a healthy univentful pregnancy (if you were around for my pregnancy with Luca, you'll recall the scare with SUA and Preeclampsi!). That being said Scott and I WOULD like to have at least one of each (eventually). I'm not sure if we'll stop at two if we get a boy and a girl, but I do know we've worked out a little system for having more or not... Here it is;
If we have another boy, we'll try one more time for a girl, if we get 3 boys... well that might just be it considering how wild Luca is :)(my mother always said Veronica and I would not be here today if Sal had been born fist...THANK YOU GOD!).
If we get a girl we'll wait a few years before thinking of more (but you know the baby bug could hit whenever, or not at all...).
We haven't ruled out adoption and still are trying to figure things out with our potential foster... but the breaks are on that for now... (i will blog about that eventually)
SOOOO to be suprised or not to be suprised... that is the QUESTION...when have I ever been the waiting kind?! SO i broke down and bought a Gender Prediction Kit...
The website boast a 90% accuaracy rating if done correctly and it can be done as early as 10 weeks!!! August 9th I'll be Peeing on a stick again to see what it says!!
Any thoughts!?
If we have another boy, we'll try one more time for a girl, if we get 3 boys... well that might just be it considering how wild Luca is :)(my mother always said Veronica and I would not be here today if Sal had been born fist...THANK YOU GOD!).
If we get a girl we'll wait a few years before thinking of more (but you know the baby bug could hit whenever, or not at all...).
We haven't ruled out adoption and still are trying to figure things out with our potential foster... but the breaks are on that for now... (i will blog about that eventually)
SOOOO to be suprised or not to be suprised... that is the QUESTION...when have I ever been the waiting kind?! SO i broke down and bought a Gender Prediction Kit...
The website boast a 90% accuaracy rating if done correctly and it can be done as early as 10 weeks!!! August 9th I'll be Peeing on a stick again to see what it says!!
Any thoughts!?
Monday, July 11, 2011
6 weeks down 34 to go!
Made it to 6 weeks... lol I guess I'm jumping the gun. Six weeks is technically tomorrow but I am grateful. This is around the time that I had the miscarriage in March and I'm feeling hopeful it will make it through. 1/2 way through the 1st trimester! Baby steps to 40 weeks!
It's crazy how each day seems to take years!!
Unlike my pregnancy with Luca I am thankful for every moment of nausea, every discomfort, because it means that this pregnancy is strong and that my lil bean is still around!
I'd be happy with a boy or a girl but I can't deny a part of me is rooting for team Pink! We have our girl name picked out already! And no thoughts really on a boy name... but for now I' m just praying for healthy and strong.
Scheduled the 8 week check up with the Midwives and putting my hope in Jesus.
In other news... MY SISTER COMES home from Italy today! I'm so excited to have her back. She is my best friend and I've missed our times of fellowship and worship (she's a gifted piano player and singer). She wrote a song (Dwell) that has really been my anthem of the last year based on the 91st psalm. My arms are positively itching to hug her!!! AND for us to go see the final HP movie on Thursday/Friday at 3AM!!! Leave it to Harry to throw us back to the practices of our youth!
Luca Update: My little man is amazing. He talks like crazy and is so thoughtful and creative! When I told him about "the baby in mammas tummy" he said he wanted a brother... So i guess he's on Team blue!
Keep us in your prayers!! xoxox
Weight Gain: 0
cravings: 0
It's crazy how each day seems to take years!!
Unlike my pregnancy with Luca I am thankful for every moment of nausea, every discomfort, because it means that this pregnancy is strong and that my lil bean is still around!
I'd be happy with a boy or a girl but I can't deny a part of me is rooting for team Pink! We have our girl name picked out already! And no thoughts really on a boy name... but for now I' m just praying for healthy and strong.
Scheduled the 8 week check up with the Midwives and putting my hope in Jesus.
In other news... MY SISTER COMES home from Italy today! I'm so excited to have her back. She is my best friend and I've missed our times of fellowship and worship (she's a gifted piano player and singer). She wrote a song (Dwell) that has really been my anthem of the last year based on the 91st psalm. My arms are positively itching to hug her!!! AND for us to go see the final HP movie on Thursday/Friday at 3AM!!! Leave it to Harry to throw us back to the practices of our youth!
Luca Update: My little man is amazing. He talks like crazy and is so thoughtful and creative! When I told him about "the baby in mammas tummy" he said he wanted a brother... So i guess he's on Team blue!
Keep us in your prayers!! xoxox
Weight Gain: 0
cravings: 0
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Nothing like family to drive you to your knees!
I appreciate being a mother in an entirely different way than I ever anticipated... Being a mother drives you to your knees in a way little anything else can... From conception when you are terrified of losing your little dream and beyond. Praying that God would keep them safe, praying God would protect them from the evil in this world, and praying for them to come to know Him in a real enduring way. Yes you can pray for your own life, even your husbands (and of course I do)... but it's not with the same passion or realness... Something about Luca (and this new lil one baking) inspires a totally different kind of fervent worship and devotion to prayer...
Thank you God for my family, that you are drawing me nearer to Yourself through them, that you have a heart for little children, that I would learn to come to you as one.
Pregnancy Update-
4 weeks 1 day... feeling good so far. Praying for a sticky baby! lol Apparently pregnancy makes one more apt to blog as well! hahah
Thank you God for my family, that you are drawing me nearer to Yourself through them, that you have a heart for little children, that I would learn to come to you as one.
Pregnancy Update-
4 weeks 1 day... feeling good so far. Praying for a sticky baby! lol Apparently pregnancy makes one more apt to blog as well! hahah
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
POAS = +
So I Peed on a stick and it was positive! This was our first month "TTC" trying to concieve after a loss... Scott only has to look at me and I'm pregnant. LOL I'm just praying for this one to stick all you ladies out there doing Beth Moore Daniel study with me can help pray me up a "scenario A" (God delivering me from the fire). I'm cautiously optimistic, trying to thankfully petition God for a healthy pregnancy!
We're also waiting to hear from CPS regarding us being medical foster parents... we might have two babies around here soon! WOW God is good isn't he? Well sorry for the short post. Gotta get some work done. Post more/longer etc. later! xoxoxo
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
New life in a season of loss
Scott and I had a miscarriage early this year and it was devastating…(in the same month that I said goodbye to both of my grandfathers) I wondered why God would allow us to get pregnant if we were just going to lose it…Why there was so much loss in such a short time... The excitement, the joy, the expectations and then the let down… I’m not going to sugar coat it; the whole experience was awful… There was guilt, that I may have done something wrong, relief that I had a reprieve from the nine months of being miserable (I had a bad pregnancy last time), guilt again for feeling relief, devastation at the thought of my imagined little one not existing any more…and then there was the physical; the labor pains with out a reward…and the blasé attitude of friends and loved ones. For a few days I lost myself in grief and wallowed in self pity.
I look back at those few days and praise God for an understanding, loving husband, whose feet were firmly planted on the Rock while I was on sinking sand… My heart has always been quick to be turn on God, this was no exception:
“God, why have you turned your face from me? Why are you so far from my cry? Why is my groaning not known to you?” I cried out to the Lord in my sadness of heart and to my amazement He did not shy away from my devastation. Instead of being “stuck” He breathed new life and peace back in to me like I have never known before. This may not seem like a big deal to some but I truly believe my peace was a miracle done for me by a living, loving God…On my knees I realized that my little one was not lost, but had gone straight to the arms of Jesus. My Father flooded me with the realization and knowledge that I could love on and empathize with loved ones who have lost their little ones…That I could stand in the Gap for them and intercede for them in a way not all can. God claimed victory in that place in me that would not yield to him, a place I would not surrender, a thing that held me captive…Fear… I was afraid of losing everything, my husband, my son, my life; but in the lowest place I was redeemed by the power of the Blood…I learned that in Him, who is near to the broken hearted I would not be consumed. In giving up a child to be with the Father I gained freedom and will no longer be a captive to fear. I am so excited at what God is doing in our family!!! I look forward to seeing the works of his hands now that we are saying:
“Yes Lord!! We count it all as lost, though you slay us, you will never leave nor forsake us…we want to truly be found faithful and be followers of you until the end”
Where does that lead us? I’m not sure!! Hahaha!!! We are listening!! Wee are waiting!!! Ready to do His will! I pray that we would have the opportunity to witness to the lost, to love those who feel unlovable and to have the great privilege to be in the midst of what God is doing!!! We’ve also decided to see what the Lord would have for us as far as more children (knowing the Lords heart is close to the ministry of adoption or whether he would bless us with more biological ones first). I’m just so excited and glad! He truly makes all things new!!! Amen?! Amen!
I look back at those few days and praise God for an understanding, loving husband, whose feet were firmly planted on the Rock while I was on sinking sand… My heart has always been quick to be turn on God, this was no exception:
“God, why have you turned your face from me? Why are you so far from my cry? Why is my groaning not known to you?” I cried out to the Lord in my sadness of heart and to my amazement He did not shy away from my devastation. Instead of being “stuck” He breathed new life and peace back in to me like I have never known before. This may not seem like a big deal to some but I truly believe my peace was a miracle done for me by a living, loving God…On my knees I realized that my little one was not lost, but had gone straight to the arms of Jesus. My Father flooded me with the realization and knowledge that I could love on and empathize with loved ones who have lost their little ones…That I could stand in the Gap for them and intercede for them in a way not all can. God claimed victory in that place in me that would not yield to him, a place I would not surrender, a thing that held me captive…Fear… I was afraid of losing everything, my husband, my son, my life; but in the lowest place I was redeemed by the power of the Blood…I learned that in Him, who is near to the broken hearted I would not be consumed. In giving up a child to be with the Father I gained freedom and will no longer be a captive to fear. I am so excited at what God is doing in our family!!! I look forward to seeing the works of his hands now that we are saying:
“Yes Lord!! We count it all as lost, though you slay us, you will never leave nor forsake us…we want to truly be found faithful and be followers of you until the end”
Where does that lead us? I’m not sure!! Hahaha!!! We are listening!! Wee are waiting!!! Ready to do His will! I pray that we would have the opportunity to witness to the lost, to love those who feel unlovable and to have the great privilege to be in the midst of what God is doing!!! We’ve also decided to see what the Lord would have for us as far as more children (knowing the Lords heart is close to the ministry of adoption or whether he would bless us with more biological ones first). I’m just so excited and glad! He truly makes all things new!!! Amen?! Amen!
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Gifts of the Spirit...
I normally do not get in to theological debates because most theological arguments are not pertinent to salvation (how old the earth is, if dinosaurs existed, etc.) and not worth it because I do not enjoy arguing. That being said I recently overheard some one say it is good to speak in tongues because then you have evidence of your salvation. I know it was meant well (and I don’t think they believe you are not saved if you don’t speak in tongues) but I was still wary that something so significant (salvation wise) could be stated with any kind of conviction. I happen to know that if we believe in our hearts and confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord we are100% salvation guaranteed. At least I haven’t found in God’s word that ‘if we believe in our hearts, confess with our mouths and speak in tongues’ we are saved. As a result of hearing this I have been prayerfully considering it on a weekend long sojourn through God’s word. Here’s what I’ve determined (for myself any ways, please go seek out and pray if you disagree!):
It is true that on the day of Pentecost the believers began speaking in tongues, but this was not a “prayer language” as provided for in Romans 8:26-28 but a real discernible language that people actually spoke and others understood. It says that a crowd of God Fearing Jews heard them speaking their own language and that they were utterly amazed;
Acts 2
4All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues[a] as the Spirit enabled them.
5Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. 6When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard them speaking in his own language. 7Utterly amazed, they asked: "Are not all these men who are speaking Galileans? 8Then how is it that each of us hears them in his own native language? 9Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, 10Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome 11 (both Jews and converts to Judaism); Cretans and Arabs-we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!"
So what can do I take from this?
1) The ‘tongues’ gift received at Pentecost was actual languages discernible by others/ non Christians
2) Perhaps not everyone received this gift because it says “everyone was filled” but then is says they spoke as they were enabled (maybe so, maybe not)
Upon further reading I discovered that the gift of tongues is considered the least of the spiritual gifts and that it is not edifying to the body (especially not the prayer language variety which I believe is the reference made in Corinthians because it says ‘he utters mysteries with his spirit’). This leads me to believe that “normal tongues/ tongues that are of discernible language” should be used if a translator is present and for the benefit of believers and that prayer language/mysteries uttered/groaning of the spirit should be kept in totally private:
1 Corinthians 14 (excerpts)
1Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy. 2For anyone who speaks in a tongue[a] does not speak to men but to God. Indeed, no one understands him; he utters mysteries with his spirit… 4He who speaks in a tongue edifies himself... 5I would like every one of you to speak in tongues, but I would rather have you prophesy. He who prophesies is greater than one who speaks in tongues,[d] unless he interprets, so that the church may be edified…For this reason anyone who speaks in a tongue should pray that he may interpret what he says. 14For if I pray in a tongue, my spirit prays, but my mind is unfruitful. 15So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my mind; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my mind. 16If you are praising God with your spirit, how can one who finds himself among those who do not understand[e] say "Amen" to your thanksgiving, since he does not know what you are saying? 17You may be giving thanks well enough, but the other man is not edified. .. 22Tongues, then, are a sign, not for believers but for unbelievers; prophecy, however, is for believers, not for unbelievers. 23So if the whole church comes together and everyone speaks in tongues, and some who do not understand[g] or some unbelievers come in, will they not say that you are out of your mind? … 28If there is no interpreter; the speaker should keep quiet in the church and speak to himself and God.
Okay I take a few things from this passage:
1) I keep seeing IF here… I take this to mean that some people will speak in tongues and not others.
2) Speaking in tongues is not edifying to the body -
Unless an interpreter is present people just shouldn’t do it (Probably for the very reason I’m writing, confusion, conflict, discord etc.) and because then non Christians will think we’re bonkers as it says in verse 23 of the Corinthians passage…
I’ve yet to find in scripture that we had to speak in tongues to signify our salvation… in fact a little earlier on in 1 Corinthians, scripture tells us that there are different kinds of gifts;
1 Corinthians 12:
4There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit…. 7Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.[b] 11All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines… 27Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 28And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. 29Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues[d]? Do all interpret? 31But eagerly desire[e] the greater gifts.
That verse pretty much drives it home for me… ‘Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret?’ Maybe we all don’t? Maybe we all can? Does that mean we are not saved…? The spirit with me says. NO.
I definitely think that there is a balance to be had, everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial…
For those of us Christians who don’t believe in spiritual gifts ….are you going to heaven according to the word…DUH YES. (although I would encourage you to check out acts and think over whether or not you think all scripture is God breathed)… For those of us who think everyone should speak in tongues and that not doing so indicates an absence of the Holy Spirit? Are you going to heaven... YES but I also think we should go back and examine scripture because of the two extremes, this belief may be more damaging to a Christian who believes he/she is not saved because she does not speak in tongues.
Well that’s all… let’s just encourage one another and lift each other up!!! And walk in the assurance that we having believed were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance (Ephesians 1:12-14)
It is true that on the day of Pentecost the believers began speaking in tongues, but this was not a “prayer language” as provided for in Romans 8:26-28 but a real discernible language that people actually spoke and others understood. It says that a crowd of God Fearing Jews heard them speaking their own language and that they were utterly amazed;
Acts 2
4All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues[a] as the Spirit enabled them.
5Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. 6When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard them speaking in his own language. 7Utterly amazed, they asked: "Are not all these men who are speaking Galileans? 8Then how is it that each of us hears them in his own native language? 9Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, 10Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome 11 (both Jews and converts to Judaism); Cretans and Arabs-we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!"
So what can do I take from this?
1) The ‘tongues’ gift received at Pentecost was actual languages discernible by others/ non Christians
2) Perhaps not everyone received this gift because it says “everyone was filled” but then is says they spoke as they were enabled (maybe so, maybe not)
Upon further reading I discovered that the gift of tongues is considered the least of the spiritual gifts and that it is not edifying to the body (especially not the prayer language variety which I believe is the reference made in Corinthians because it says ‘he utters mysteries with his spirit’). This leads me to believe that “normal tongues/ tongues that are of discernible language” should be used if a translator is present and for the benefit of believers and that prayer language/mysteries uttered/groaning of the spirit should be kept in totally private:
1 Corinthians 14 (excerpts)
1Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy. 2For anyone who speaks in a tongue[a] does not speak to men but to God. Indeed, no one understands him; he utters mysteries with his spirit… 4He who speaks in a tongue edifies himself... 5I would like every one of you to speak in tongues, but I would rather have you prophesy. He who prophesies is greater than one who speaks in tongues,[d] unless he interprets, so that the church may be edified…For this reason anyone who speaks in a tongue should pray that he may interpret what he says. 14For if I pray in a tongue, my spirit prays, but my mind is unfruitful. 15So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my mind; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my mind. 16If you are praising God with your spirit, how can one who finds himself among those who do not understand[e] say "Amen" to your thanksgiving, since he does not know what you are saying? 17You may be giving thanks well enough, but the other man is not edified. .. 22Tongues, then, are a sign, not for believers but for unbelievers; prophecy, however, is for believers, not for unbelievers. 23So if the whole church comes together and everyone speaks in tongues, and some who do not understand[g] or some unbelievers come in, will they not say that you are out of your mind? … 28If there is no interpreter; the speaker should keep quiet in the church and speak to himself and God.
Okay I take a few things from this passage:
1) I keep seeing IF here… I take this to mean that some people will speak in tongues and not others.
2) Speaking in tongues is not edifying to the body -
Unless an interpreter is present people just shouldn’t do it (Probably for the very reason I’m writing, confusion, conflict, discord etc.) and because then non Christians will think we’re bonkers as it says in verse 23 of the Corinthians passage…
I’ve yet to find in scripture that we had to speak in tongues to signify our salvation… in fact a little earlier on in 1 Corinthians, scripture tells us that there are different kinds of gifts;
1 Corinthians 12:
4There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit…. 7Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.[b] 11All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines… 27Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 28And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. 29Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues[d]? Do all interpret? 31But eagerly desire[e] the greater gifts.
That verse pretty much drives it home for me… ‘Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret?’ Maybe we all don’t? Maybe we all can? Does that mean we are not saved…? The spirit with me says. NO.
I definitely think that there is a balance to be had, everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial…
For those of us Christians who don’t believe in spiritual gifts ….are you going to heaven according to the word…DUH YES. (although I would encourage you to check out acts and think over whether or not you think all scripture is God breathed)… For those of us who think everyone should speak in tongues and that not doing so indicates an absence of the Holy Spirit? Are you going to heaven... YES but I also think we should go back and examine scripture because of the two extremes, this belief may be more damaging to a Christian who believes he/she is not saved because she does not speak in tongues.
Well that’s all… let’s just encourage one another and lift each other up!!! And walk in the assurance that we having believed were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance (Ephesians 1:12-14)
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Can you hear me?
God, I'm having and astronomically bad day and I NEED to hear from you right NOW... So I have decided to sit here until you speak....
Okay maybe we're on different frequencies lord... try channel 3....
You're still not coming through how about 15?
hmmm. Must be on your end...
Doesn't it feel that way sometimes? If only we could tune in to whatever channel God is waiting for us on. Waiting for us because even though I don't feel like he's speaking... the truth is I probably don't have the ears to hear. I've been reading Daniel... and what really struck me today is that Daniel wasn't some sort of super God lover, extra special in some way... he just prayed a lot and God knew his voice. Daniel 6:10 says that Daniel prayed 3 times a day... that he went and prayed just as he'd always done before. That's devotion, that's going to the Lord because we should spend time with him, not just when we're having astronomically bad days... Maybe that is God speaking to me, maybe he's telling me to keep talking to him and not just in the bad times. Maybe he will shut the lions mouth for me even though I just asked him to now when the teeth are at my throat...
God... it sure would be easier if you could just tell me what channel you are on!
Okay maybe we're on different frequencies lord... try channel 3....
You're still not coming through how about 15?
hmmm. Must be on your end...
Doesn't it feel that way sometimes? If only we could tune in to whatever channel God is waiting for us on. Waiting for us because even though I don't feel like he's speaking... the truth is I probably don't have the ears to hear. I've been reading Daniel... and what really struck me today is that Daniel wasn't some sort of super God lover, extra special in some way... he just prayed a lot and God knew his voice. Daniel 6:10 says that Daniel prayed 3 times a day... that he went and prayed just as he'd always done before. That's devotion, that's going to the Lord because we should spend time with him, not just when we're having astronomically bad days... Maybe that is God speaking to me, maybe he's telling me to keep talking to him and not just in the bad times. Maybe he will shut the lions mouth for me even though I just asked him to now when the teeth are at my throat...
God... it sure would be easier if you could just tell me what channel you are on!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Found Faithful
I want to be found Faithful
Last week Luca was sick, 104+ fever, listless, pitiful cries… I know that babies get much higher fevers; but at that moment, with my child I was worried sick that God who delivered him safely to me would take him away. I said ‘Lord, this would be a deal breaker’… ha-ha as if I can bargain with the Almighty? I was torn, crying out to God to heal him, shouting at God in anger and frustration when Luca only seemed to get worse and finally submitting to his will (on a side note Luca did get better )…It reminded me of the Beth Moore bible study I did with my girlfriends this summer If BLANK Then BLANK. God reminded me to go there.
If BLANK then BLANK….
I went through the whole procession of ‘If, Thens’ of Luca being gone. It came down to God still being God, still loving, still waiting for me with open arms. It was a peaceful place to land. If he should take away everything (which He has given me any way) Then I will get up from the place I’ve fallen and follow him (Job 13:15 ‘though he slay me, yet will I trust him’). Not saying I understand it or like it… but I know God desires our good and I have to trust in that.
Justin Rizzo wrote a song that says “I want to be found faithful, I want to be found steady, I want to be found faithful until the end”. What powerful words don’t you think? How many of us have the courage to be faithful to anything but that which gives us pleasure? I am such an inconstant creature, seized by fervor for something one moment and tossing it aside like a child throwing a toy aside for something new. Part of that is my nature and has been a blessing. It gives me the extra bit of gumption I need to start new things, embrace new projects… boldness. The other part is awful; I wish I could say I finished something meaningful. So that’s my major shortcoming. I pray God make me faithful, that he would take hold of my heart in such a powerful way as to transform it forever… IF you test me Lord THEN I want to be found faithful until the end.
Last week Luca was sick, 104+ fever, listless, pitiful cries… I know that babies get much higher fevers; but at that moment, with my child I was worried sick that God who delivered him safely to me would take him away. I said ‘Lord, this would be a deal breaker’… ha-ha as if I can bargain with the Almighty? I was torn, crying out to God to heal him, shouting at God in anger and frustration when Luca only seemed to get worse and finally submitting to his will (on a side note Luca did get better )…It reminded me of the Beth Moore bible study I did with my girlfriends this summer If BLANK Then BLANK. God reminded me to go there.
If BLANK then BLANK….
I went through the whole procession of ‘If, Thens’ of Luca being gone. It came down to God still being God, still loving, still waiting for me with open arms. It was a peaceful place to land. If he should take away everything (which He has given me any way) Then I will get up from the place I’ve fallen and follow him (Job 13:15 ‘though he slay me, yet will I trust him’). Not saying I understand it or like it… but I know God desires our good and I have to trust in that.
Justin Rizzo wrote a song that says “I want to be found faithful, I want to be found steady, I want to be found faithful until the end”. What powerful words don’t you think? How many of us have the courage to be faithful to anything but that which gives us pleasure? I am such an inconstant creature, seized by fervor for something one moment and tossing it aside like a child throwing a toy aside for something new. Part of that is my nature and has been a blessing. It gives me the extra bit of gumption I need to start new things, embrace new projects… boldness. The other part is awful; I wish I could say I finished something meaningful. So that’s my major shortcoming. I pray God make me faithful, that he would take hold of my heart in such a powerful way as to transform it forever… IF you test me Lord THEN I want to be found faithful until the end.
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