Long time no post I know… I’m settling in to this whole new world of being a mom… again. Thoughts are creeping in on all sides … good and bad. Feelings of inadequacy are teeming at the surface and every once in a while I feel just a bit like an ostrich sticking its head in the dirt. Everyone can still find me but I’m desperate to hide. Don’t get me wrong I’m excited to embark on this new journey. Staying at home and being with my TWO kids; but I’m afraid I won’t be good enough, won’t teach the right things and won’t impart the right knowledge… Let’s face it I AM inadequate… My new prayer is that Abba- Daddy would be with me, be my sustenance, cover my inadequacies, and protect my children …even from me!
So it begins; in 6 weeks I start my maternity leave and a week or two after that I have my daughter Eliana (PTL I don’t have to go any later than 39 weeks, sorry if that appalls some of you, but the knowledge that they will let me induce then as a 2nd time mom keeps me sane… and it’s a cool day Leap day!!). I am seeing everything through Rose/pink colored glasses! I’m excited for frilly dresses and toe nail polish… but I’m terrified of screwing her up… I’m sure you can screw up a son just as easily… but it doesn’t feel that way… somehow it seems that even before she is born there are already expectations the world has for her. That she be thin, that she be successful, that she be coy without being trashy… How do I give her confidence and self-assurance without instilling all these worldly values!? Me who am constantly plagued by the needle on the scale or the way an outfit looks or a fly away hair? How do I teach Eliana that she is a daughter of the King - without tainting her with the world? I think I’ll stick my head back in the ground thank you… I guess it all goes back to relying on Jesus who is adequate in my inadequacies… Pray for me friends not to worry so much!!! Boy do I feel refined by fire before my little one is even here!
Well that’s it…. just a few thoughts I wanted to squeeze out.
You will be great. Trust me, God will be there to cover all your mistakes and inadequacies. Dedicate her to God, cover her in prayer and God will give back to you with exceeding abundance. He did it for me and he did it for your Mom. He is in control so reason to worry. Love to you.
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