Several years ago my sister and I were at a youth group event when we noticed a girl who kept scowling at us. She kept staring and we grew increasingly aggravated. We went back and forth with 'What do you think her problem is?' and believed that she hated us for no apparent reason (yes her scowl was THAT fierce). I remember getting angry that anyone would would be so openly hostile and tried my best to send back aloof, haughty faces of my own... 15 minutes after the message ended she came up to us gushing about how beautiful she thought we were and wondering if we were twins, yada, yada, yada... It turns out she was really one of the nicest people I'd ever met. We had totally read that situation wrong. How could we have misjudged her so much!? I recall my sister and I telling this girl how we thought she was scowling at us and her laughing it off as it 'just being her face'. For a long time after that happened we continued to worry over how badly we'd read the situation.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago when my girlfriend was over for a play date. Somehow we got on the topic of offendedness (real or imagined) and the nature of women friendships. She made a comment that took me back to that experience as a teenage girl and to be honest 1,000 similar situations since then. 'Some people just have RBF' she said. I stared at her blankly... RBF?! She laughed and explained the acronym; Resting B**** Face. A face that looks intimidating or unapproachable at rest. My mind reeled. I was pretty sure half of the people I'd ever struggled being friends with had suffered from RBF or maybe I do?
Over the weeks that followed I kept thinking on the mystery of RBF. What it meant for my female relationships and what it looked like in the church. How many times had I heard that so-and-so didn't like Suzie Q... Often times it boiled down to RBF. All the 'she didn't seem's and the 'I could just tell she was mad's came to a head and I realized that just like the 15 year old me... We've probably all got it wrong. We're so busy being worried about what people think, how they are reacting or just thinking they have ill will toward us that we avoid friendships altogether. Just the other day I was able to use this new knowledge to reassure a friend someone wasn't intentionally trying to hurt them (someone with alleged RBF). That is just it. 99.9% of us aren't trying to hurt each other. If we choose to believe people have good will towards us, then we can put all these borrowed offenses aside. Or we could all try smiling more (haha we can't really change a face though).
Let's face it; it IS kind of crazy that we are offended by an imagined offense. We have to take ownership where we allow our hearts to get hurt, where we assume someone is angry, or uninterested in us... Quit fearing in man and believe the best of each other. These relationship snares come from fearing the wrong thing. Let us put our hope in the Lord. In Him our hearts are kept safe!
<3Nikki
ps - If I have RBF I promise I am not mad at, avoiding or scheming against you. :P
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