When there’s work to be done and no where to begin…

So this is what happens when I actually have a ton of work to do, sans the capability, desire or wherewith all to begin… BLOGS AKA my method of procrastination.

Life as a pregnant woman continues; 40 more days, 5 ½ more weeks. It feels a lot like running the Marine Corps marathon did… you are at mile 20 and know you’re in the home stretch… part of you wants to muster every last bit of energy (real or imagined) and high tail it for the finish; but yet another part of you wants to lay right where you tread at the prospect of going another 10k (UPHILL). Where am I in that spectrum? Most days I’m somewhere in between; I some how pick up one foot and place it in front of the other and grow bigger and bigger and utterly more exhausted from lack of sleep. UGGGH

I’m thankful however that despite my exhaustion Luca is still doing well. At the 33 week appointment both the midwife and the perinatologist said he was measuring ahead (35 weeks according to the sonogram and fundus height). He was 5 lbs 11oz! I know babies that are born that big! Apparently this whole single umbilical artery isn’t holding him back in the least… I mean he’s in the 90th percentile... WOW-I’m already having dreams of retiring early as my little QB takes care of his mama!!! -------- Okay reining in the fantasies and just praying for the continued health of my little man.

I just realized summer is almost over. It makes me sad. The days start getting a little shorter, the sun going down a little sooner, friends and siblings (Ver & Lala ) have all left from their summer sabbaticals back to the realities of school, exams and student teaching. Why is it that even after the long months of summer festivities and merry making that the chest constricts and the mind flies in to a flurry of things NOT done? Wasn’t that what made those things more enjoyable? That they were rare moments as opposed to the every day norm? Hmmm Carpe Diem right? This summer did have it’s moments that I will remember and smile back on… The Nikki Peacock-Turtle (my man hunt dance for when I’m on the prowl for GOOD looking CHRISTIAN men) for my gorgeous single ladies (you know who you are), watching movies outside on sleeping bags projected on to the garage, the ‘raise the roof’ Lala style props- giving, making lye bombs on the street and teaching all the neighborhood kids how (and consequently that adults are complete idiots sometimes), going to the pool in a bikini despite the bulbous condition of my stomach and of course learning how to trust God when the odds are against you. Maybe I shouldn’t be so sad; it was a GREAT summer and there’s still Cox’s farm pumpkin picking, and Christmas tree outings to look forward to… WITH Luca no less!!!

Highs: Realizing tomorrow is Friday, only 40 days of pregnancy left (almost there) and sleeping in Saturday

Lows: I STILL have 40 days left of pregnancy, realizing tomorrow is Friday and I have to take the med term final and most depressing...having nothing left over which to procrastinate on and facing the gargantuan pile of work on my desk… oh well.

25 Weeks, and finally the courage (or the Stamina) to blog

Where do I start, clearly I’m not the master blogger I hopped to be. I’d like to say that between juggling work and school there is not enough time to write… But I know others (Cou*LaurenGH*) worked on their masters and still managed a daily blog… HMM. I will blame it on trying to be a decent worker, a good student an okay wife and a fabulous pregnant person.

I can’t even say I’ve been any of those things mentioned. In fact I’ve been bone tired at work, get A’s by some miracle of God (or an angel changing scantron sheets) am probably the worst pregnant wife possibly imagined on the face of the earth now or EVER and detest the swollen, ungainly and down right uncomfortable state of pregnancy (although I love Luca with all my heart already). Uggh. It’s so frustrating! To think of 14-15 more weeks of this is disheartening… And even though I’m over the hill and rolling down the other side towards my due date I am completely overwhelmed! I will update these areas in my life below:

Baby Luca: The good news is that Luca is doing great! We’ve had to go in for several growth scans and an echocardiogram (all of which came back negative/ or showing great results!). Luca is growing strong with no abnormalities that they could see (THANK GOD). We go again Tuesday the 30th so I will try and put some new pictures up.

School: Taking 3 classes this summer and one more in the fall, after this I should have one year of clinicals and can be a RN!! I don’t know where Luca or work fall in to that mix but I’m just taking things one day at a time.

Marriage: unfortunately for Scott pregnancy hormones have made it so I can’t even stand the smell of him~ Definitely not a good thing…(and Scott’s not even a bad smelling guy) to put it in to perspective I think my old shampoo smells awful. It seems difficult to spend quality time with one another that’s not rushing out to work, eating dinner going to bed. I find myself really missing the engagement period when there was a lot more effort on both parties to be interesting and engaging. I think the problem for me is that Scott gets a ton of shoulder to shoulder time… (Meaning he thinks we hang out too much because we are always together, in the car, while he works on things, while cooking dinner etc.) But what I really need is an hour of solid face to face time… where we actually talk and relate and share. I’m finding marriage is challenging because when you are with some you love this much, and feel so comfortable around… you really can be your worst. So it’s been interesting trying to find ways to make sure there is still a ton of good in the mix. I will say one thing, Scott is probably the most patient, understanding person in the whole world… and he must love me past the point of distraction to put up with the crap I’ve been putting him through! So keep this in mind if you’re tying the knot or already married, don’t take yourself too seriously, forgive quickly, and find ways to stay engaged… because there is actually a lot of work involved in marriage. GO figure!

Pregnancy: I’m fat. My ankles swell at night. I’m exhausted.

Okay that’s all for now. I have a ton more to write about the following (writing these for my own benefit, pregnancy amnesia has struck hard and I wont remember even wanting to write about this stuff)
- Midwives
- Voice teacher
- House


Till next time (hopefully sooner then when Luca is 1)

When Siblings Date.

I never thought I’d be one of those sisters who didn’t like her siblings’ boyfriends/girlfriends. I still wouldn’t classify myself as such a person; but I have a very bitter taste in my mouth after last night’s escapades with my brother (who insists he isn’t going to be like his friends who practically kill themselves over their girlfriends. After his behavior towards ME his sister last night, I seriously doubt the likely hood of those insistences.) when did high school dating ever= life or death? Any ways here’s the story;

I was hanging out with my family on Sunday evening when for some reason my brother decided to say that one of my good friends was ugly. I was really shocked because it just so happens that the girl in question is very beautiful so I said ‘if you think she’s so ugly what would you call your girlfriend?’ Okay I can practically feel/hear and see the collective gasps that that comment may have rendered from you; and re-reading it and having been told what it sounded like upon hearing it I understand that the question as poised makes it sound like I’m calling his girlfriend ugly; WHICH is NOT the case. I was seriously asking him what he would call his girlfriend on the attractiveness scale, because his girlfriend is cute/pretty but this friend of mine is like model pretty (see no disrespect here). Well he EXPLODED, muttered some expletives and punched something and ran up stairs where an issuing fight took place with my father, who in turn came downstairs to yell at me for being so insensitive to my “poor little brother”. At this point I was flabbergasted, annoyed and angry. I must be the most misunderstood person in the world. Then some family from out of town and my husband informed me that my comment could’ve been taken the wrong way and then I got really upset because EVERY one was on my back when my brother was the only one who actually did call some one ugly!!!! I know I’m being defensive right now, but instead of storming off, calling me names and telling everyone I called his girlfriend ugly he could’ve stuck around and heard me out when I tried to explain myself and **news flash** if you tell your girlfriend your sister thinks she’s ugly…. That won’t bode well for the relationship, not at this point in his life anyways when sisters do much in the way of providing, rides, phones and general support when parents don’t. Okay. I think I should stop because I’m just getting angry at the injustices of being the one who every one’s mad at, won’t listen to and thinks is a B. The world can be so unjust.

*Here’s to NOT calling people ugly, defending friends when they are called ugly and having a negative change of heart about the significant others of brothers.

Weekend Highs; Sunny skies, 78* weather, hanging out with good friends and eating some of the BEST burgers I’ve ever.

Weekend Lows: The start of a rain storm that’s scheduled to last through Thursday, The catastrophic fight with my brother which makes his girlfriend think I hate her and all people he tells his side of the story to think I’m shallow, Realizing I thoroughly dislike people on some deep seated level that I don’t know how to rectify and knowing I would make an excellent mountain hermit never to be seen from or heard of again.

Half Baked

½ baked
(Not a drug reference but being used here as a term to describe condition of pregnancy progress)

Can I just say counting down the days of a pregnancy is a lot like waiting for Ryan Seacrest to say and ‘and the person who will make it to the top 8 this week is….’ Dun dun dun…. Commercial! You get psyched for the first sonogram and… dun dun dun… okay so we get to see a flicker on the screen what’s next?! Lol I guess that’s just the impatient part in me. I just wish it wasn't such a LONG process!!!

BUT HEY...I finally made it past a commercial break today! I’m officially 15 weeks pregnant (measuring bigger possibly) and get to go back in 4 weeks instead of 5 to find out what the sex is! This also means in 4 weeks I’ll be ½ baked, and that I’ll be on top of the pregnancy hill ready to roll down!!! HAPPPPPY!! ( OH and Scott and I got to see the little lover and he/she is the sweetest little thing ever, he/she’s a bit camera shy and tried to kick and fight his/her way from the screen but hopefully we’ll get a good view 4 weeks from now!

On a sadder note I’ve officially gained 5 pregnant pounds (which I blame completely on Scott's super accommodating husbandly ways which include (all hour of day grill cheese, 4 Oreo cookie milkshakes and 3x a day mango madness smoothies from tropical smoothie) outlook glum for totally weight gain.. lol actually the doctor says I’m perfect and I’m on track to only gain about a total of 25 lbs! HAPPY… I’m keeping it that way, I’ve been walking, lifting little baby weights and only eating 1-2 splurge items a day which make up that extra 300-500 calories you are supposed to consume a day anyways. SO THERE! Dr. Sethi says my attitude about the weight gain guarantees I wont gain more because people who worry about it are active about not gaining it (which means me) HAPPY again. So many highs and lows right?

The cats sort of out of the bag now too, it’s hard to keep things like this a secret when you blog about, mention it on face book and are to excited to not mention it! I find being pregnant has it’s definite perks! No lifting, people moving for you etc. I wonder if they’ll be as great when the kid's actually born, I for one have never liked having to sit near some one with a baby because they; scream, smell, throw up …. So I’m thinking the golden age has dawned and I should enjoy the perks while they last.

(Stealing high’s and lows from Lauren because it’s so relevant and she’s highly imitatable)

Highs-

Getting to spend 3 hours out of the office and the rest of the time in it with no one there (planning conference of some sort?) and of course seeing that the little life growing in me is not an alien after all and actually resembles a human!

Lows-

Temperatures that never reach 50 degrees, transmissions that need replacing with the tax money that has yet to be filed. And speaking of taxes, getting them done tonight before tomorrow’s April 15th deadline… balls.

I think I’ll start calling the alien Nikscotie until we know if it’s a boy or a girl. I just feel wrong calling it an it or an alien.

Till next time my pretties.

Inconveivable! A completely pointless blog, but a random thought I had.

Can I say princess bride is probably THE best movie of all time! So many pearls of wisdom to be had (and I only watched like 10 min last night) in those 10 minutes I got;

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means”… seriously how many times have you wanted to say that to some tight pant intellectual who uses words like Cornucopia or Lapidary? ‘Yeah buddy now tell me again in English… lol

“Tell me who you are I must know” Inigo Montoya
“Get used to disappointment” Westly

Get used to disappointment! WHOA what’s the age bracket for this movie? Can we say hitting the nail right on the head and teaching the young ones too?

Can I get the guy who wrote the screenplay? Here are a few of my favorite lines

Vizzini: “Am I going MAD, or did the word "think" escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass”

Vissini again: You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

OMG I don’t think I’ve been so hugely diverted since I accidentally shouted out ‘3 plus 3 is 9 in a heated rage’… I’ll have to save that story for another time! It’s been years since I’ve watched it and I wish it wasn’t on so close to bed time! My favorite line is probably the repeated use of inconceivable, and it got me thinking that that word ‘inconceivable’ is highly subjective. Maybe what’s conceivable to me is not at all likely to you. So now I feel sort of bad for Vizzini, because he really thought he could succeed against true love (or in this case in starting a war against Gilder).

Why don’t they make movies like this anymore?

AAhhahaha sorry. I don't know why I think this is so funny. Feel free to hate this blog I realize it's completely pointless but maybe you get a little insight to the kinds of things that run through my head all day :P

New band, and Fat News

I went with my dad, brother and husband to see Third Day last night at the Patriot Center. It was awesome; great performance, high energy and rowdy crowd! I didn’t realize I knew so many songs by them! The best part (for me any ways) was the opening band, a relatively new (1-2 years old) pop-rock Christian band from the land down under. They’re called Revive! They blew my socks off with great lyrics, and heart felt music. I got to snap a quick photo with them and met 2 of their beautiful wives while in line to meet their husbands!!! Any ways here’s a link for their band, check it out if it sounds interesting…

On to a more pressing topic one that would make even mother Teresa of Calcutta utter the expletives that were burning red in my mind!
“You look really fat, what happened?” Said one of our subcontractors today… this is the moment my jaw dropped in true cartoon like fashion, you know clear to the ground.
Once I gathered my wits and closed my gaping mouth, I politely asked him to leave, throwing ‘yeah it’s cause I’m 3 ½ months pregnant!!’ at his hastily retreating back. I would like the record to show; that I have currently gained 0 lbs since becoming pregnant (well I gained 3 and lost it in subsequent weeks because of morning sickness, and I’m definitely a good 10 lbs heavier then my wedding weight (I don’t run in the winter because of shortened days and sub zero temps) but at 5 feet 7 inches I’m a healthy 135 pounds as recommended by doctors and weight charts alike. See below…

(I'm almost in the underweight category!)

How can one thoughtless comment derail my finally lifting spirits!? Clearly my post take a melancholy tone and here I was hoping to change that, I think it’s probably because it’s easier to write about the sad stuff, who has time to write when they’re happy!? Well I’m going to take a deep breath, shake off the fat comment and listen to my new revive CD, I plan on being the best looking mother on the play ground, operation ‘look good naked again’ will be in full swing in 31 weeks (25 weeks of pregnancy plus the 6 weeks you’re not allowed to work out afterwards). So there… ;) I can be so dramatic! Lol

At least it’s FRIDAY!!!! And Date night!!!

Love you all,

Nikki

My Weekend Bliss.... mini update

BY some miracle of God i eeked out an 85% on the micro test... seriously the best guessing i've ever done in my life... now I know how Archimedes felt when he ran down the street naked shouting EUREKA!!!

My weekend Bliss...

It was SUCH a long weekend and not at all in a good way. Its one saving grace was that both America’s Next Top Model AND Law and Order SVU had weekend long marathons, so I could go back and forth between the two stations if I’d seen a previous episode; AND the TV Gods were on my side!!! Every single time I’d seen one episode on one channel the other would be one I’d never seen!!! OH JOY!!! My brain has been officially fried…. It’s sort of nice…. The fried brain I mean…. lalalalalaa

Why did I waste a perfectly glorious weekend such as it was (70’s and beautiful) languishing away the 1st real weekend of spring on the couch? BECAUSE I GOT THE STOMACH FLU! Ugh. It probably wasn’t really the stomach flu… but along with spring comes allergies, along with allergies; sinus head aches and when compounded by morning sickness; dehydration and dehydration to migraine and migraine to MORE throwing up…. It was a nasty vicious cycle which I’m glad to say I survived with a little more grace then I’m used to showing. I only slightly martyred myself to my husband who left me at my sick couch to play poker… You know typical damsel in distress theatrics… hand to forehead and breast… ‘no don’t worry about me honey, I’ll make it here all alone… don’t even stop to think of me throwing up all over the floor and mopping it up on my own’ (clearly my attempts at cajoling him in to staying had no effect as I was left to suffer, while he wiled the hours away much more pleasurably) in consolation, he did sin some money which WILL be used to take me out when I am better. Hopefully.

Here’s the worst of it, I have a test today in microbiology, not really the sort of topic you flub your way through (and only managed to review about ½ the material… okay about 1/5 if I’m being completely honest). Which I will hopefully get to cram for; if I can some how get all my task done at work. Hahahahaha we’ll see.

Oh well. I guess that’s not the worst thing that has, had or will happen to me. On the bright side NBC4s’ TOM KIEREIN has promised we have seen the last of freezing temperatures and the OBGYN has promised that this second trimester should be a breeze!!! Things are definitely looking up.

I probably wont look too far up though, because the last time I did a bird baptized me… I think that’s supposed to be good luck in some countries!

Till next time!

Nichole

'I would like to buy a vowel'

‘Yes I’d like to buy a vowel please’ says the shiny faced contestant to Pat Sajak, who confidentially responds in the affirmative, indicating that ‘yes’ there are 4 letter A’s as the lovely Vanna saunters across the board giving clarity to a puzzle that without vowels was unsolvable… I wish that were more like life… Yes life, I’d like to buy a clue, please reveal the missing pieces that will pull all of this together! Maybe that’s why wheel of fortune is my new favorite game show (granted there is always your dim witted sluggish tongued contestant who can still not figure out the puzzle phrase ‘D_N’T L_T TH_ S_N G_ D_WN _N Y_ _ R _ N_ G_R’ okay on here that doesn’t look so easy to solve… but you get the picture (don’t let the sun go down on your anger).

It’s like when people say that hind sights 20x20 or that the grass is never greener on the other side, those vowels sure make the picture a lot clearer, hindsight now would serve us much better then later and that grass sure does look green….

I feel ashamed at my feelings of discontent. It’s like you’re prepared from childhood for life and life isn’t altogether what you’d thought it would be. I’m not saying I regret any decisions, or that I don’t love all the people in my life, only that I’m left with these thoughts of “that’s it?” It’s the inevitable conclusion to everything I suppose. You’re dying to try a new restaurant and once you have, the novelty wears off. That sweater at Bloomingdales is the MUST have of the season, and now it lays quite alone in the bottom drawer. The vacation wasn’t quite as wonderful, the nap wasn’t quite long enough. Maybe I’m just a dissatisfied sort of person, designed with living the mindset of one who’s only 95% satisfied.

V, my sister would say this is where we must CHOOSE joy! Especially us Christians who are supposed to live in the newness of God’s promise; there is no newness today. Sometimes choosing joy is exhausting! There’s always a goal, always another class, always something to attain. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, always waiting, always watching… but for what? GOD, THROW ME A VOWEL!

LOL, maybe it’s just this pregnancy making me so despondent, thoughtful and reflective. There’s got to be a silver lining somewhere right?

Here’s hoping,

Nichole

Miserable. Plain, old, simple Miserable.

Dear Diary,

I hate life today. I am miserable...

If i had a journal/diary, that's probably what today's entry would've started out as. I am miserable. Not just sick, or tired, or thirsty (because I am all those things) but miserable. I HATE being pregnant. HATE it, loathe, detest, despise, abhor, resent, am repulsed by... i think i almost have all the entries in the thesaurus for hate... this "wonderful" thing called pregnancy. I wont go in to the symptoms; but if you WANT to know you can google 8 weeks pregnancy symptoms and see what comes up. I HAVE ALL OF THEM, to the umpteenth degree and I want to cease to exist. I spent the last hour sitting in my tub with the light dimmed letting the water flow over me as I cried. Pathetic isn't it? but it's the only place there are no smells, just clean water. Any where else and the urge to vomit overtakes me. I don't know how I am staying composed enough to write this. Has any one ever gone insane from pregnancy? I'm on the precipice, and if it were a literal one I'm afraid I'd jump.

I'm not trying to be dramatic, it's simply all true. My mother said it will pass. She said I'll forget (pregnancy amnesia). That I will not think on it again. I hope with all my might that she's right.

Deary Diary,

Today was a bad day.

Love,

Nichole

:(

A Very Bacon Birthday

Today we are going to our friend Nate's Birthday party, which they have dubbed 'a Very Bacon Birthday' how clever is that? I'm depressed. The best party idea I ever came up with was... I'll have to take that back I've never thought of my own unique party idea. There goes that life dream of becoming an event planner in the style of J-Lo In the wedding planner. Oh well, the way I'm going I'd like to stay at home and make things... you know a home maker... except I can't cook, clean or decorate. OH-Well... But Bacon. Wow that's clever. Everything bacon! Even Bacon cup cakes. I'm excited to go and can only hope that the little alien invitro wont spoil the experience by making mama vomit (not a chance and that reminds me to blog about why anyone who goes through this pregnancy thing can bring themselves to do it again! I've already talked to the doctor about getting the tubes tied and they said you can't until you've had 2 kids, girls gotta try as miserable as I've been).

SO next week is my birthday, the big 24, only one more year until my aging process (at least the number value) stops going up. What brilliant party idea can I possibly come up with by then?! The princes parties been done (wedding dress attire, quite fun really), the cup cake parties the Chuck E Cheeses where a grown up can be a kid...I just don't know. I guess I'll just have people over, blow out my 2ND to last birthday candles and look back upon the 24Th birthday party as one that was obscure as any other. Bollocks!!! darn you Nate and your genius idea!

Real Estate Heaven?! Whats what about Whats.

To buy or not to buy. That is the question?

Scott and I are contemplating embarking in to the world of home ownership. Given the current economical climate I find this extrememly duanting. There are simply too many what ifs involved for my piece of mind. 'What if Scott gets laid off?', 'what if I get laid off?' what if the car breaks down and we need a new one, what if the baby needs formula... on and on it goes. Clearly I don't take the biblical principles of casting all your fears/worries on Christ literally. It all sounds so good on paper! (funny video about trusting God... Got it From Tim Neatrour... boy does it represent how I feel about trusting God sometimes! view here: Trust Fall .

On top of all the misgivings are people's well meant advice (that is a whole other list of whats...). Why is it that people offer unsolicited advice any ways? Who said what was best for them would be best for us? UGGH! So many whats! Why do I even want a house? So many things to ponder over.

Perhaps for now, the best course of action would be nothing. Our current situation suits us, there is no hurry to begone, and there is family and support. After all God knows the desires of our hearts... I will wait upon God, purposefully praying for his will to be revealed in our life. If only i could have a patient heart (i'm not even brave enough to pray for that one) lol.

Cool blog about home owner ship in a biblical perspective Homeowner ship.

Alright, this was really just a short little rant. Any insight would be appreciated; advice not necessarily followed... :P

Unexpectedly Expecting.

So today I find myself 7 weeks pregnant. Oh. My. God. Exactly how I got to this I don't know. (okay we all know HOW we get ourselves to this point, but the particulars are still blurred around the edges).

Immediately these thoughts have come to mind;

I'm too young

I'm not done with nursing school

we don't have a house

we're too young...

I'm not ready...(is there an echo??)

Those and about a thousand other hugely 'minor' details are all racing headlong through my mind. Am I excited? Sure. am I terrified? Definitely. Do I know how to reconcile the future I'd been planning with this new one... I have no idea.

BUT. I know that all things work for the Good of those who love him, and who've been called according to his purpose. And i know he hasn't given me more then I can handle, and I'm scared enough to recognize the joy I should have right now, will probably come when I've had a minute or two to process the inevitable.

Your prayers are greatly appreciated! I know this is a happy thing. I'm just enormously overwhelmed.

<3

Nichole

In awe of you

I love the words to that song
"You are Near"
In awe of You we worship
And stand amazed at Your great love
We're changed from glory to glory
We set our hearts on You our God
Now Your presence fills this place
Be exalted in our praise
As we worship I believe
You are near

Last night waiting to drift in to sleep I thought "God, I love you..." and I was so amazed, not because I haven't thought this before, or said; but because they were words from my heart, spoken to God with true sincerity, I don't know how to describe it. I'm not implying that I wasn't sincere in saying it in the past, it's more that I WANTED to be sincere, I wanted to love God I wanted to, perhaps at the same time being unsure if I really did. As my heart said these words, I felt true joy in knowing that this prayer for me has been answered... "God" I would pray, let me love you, truly love you! and not out of hope of gain or for a get out of jail free card, a real love, like you love me!" I know it sounds silly, but I want a heart like Enoch's, are heart so pleasing to God that he would capture me up with him in heaven, AGAIN not so i wouldn't taste death but so I can be in the presence of God who is Joy eternal. :) ha ha it makes me smile to think about him, the master shepherd and the gentleness in which he holds me!

So tonight I stand in awe and amazed at his great love! So grateful that he has shown me in his infinite mercy how to love him in a way to make me want to steadfastly seek him.
~That would be my prayer, that I would love him so much my feet would fly away from sin and run in to his arms.

Here's a great verse, I just read to sum up my thoughts!

Psalm 51:9-10
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

mmmm, so happy!

Still no news

Still no verdict on whether or not we continue. How frustrating. I keep finding myself wondering what we are doing wrong, why it seems God's favor is not with us. What should we do? how should we pray? Is it God's will to stand aside and let what will happen happen? How much of faith is in action?

I always hear people tell me to 'wait on the lord' what does that look like exactly? I read a email forward few weeks ago that told a story about a man who was lost at sea; he called out to God to save him... a few minutes later a man in a row boat came by and asked if he needed a lift.. the man said no, that God was going to save him... so off the row boat man went. Again the man in full assurance of being rescued by God cried out "Lord please save me!"... over the next wave came a couple on a speed boat... well you get the picture (this happened 3x)... the man drowned and when he got to heaven he asked God 'Father why didn't you save me?' and God said, "well i sent you the row boat, the speed boat and the coast guard..."
That story leads me to believe that as much as we wait for the miraculous things God has for us... sometimes he doesn't work so grandly as rising up the dead and walking on water... So where are the open windows to our closed door?

God! Please help us see the plans you have for us!

On another note, Scott and I are going to 'Dive Deep' hosted by the UVA Kai Alpha tonight. I'm so excited to go and to be amongst TRUE worshipers. I get so discouraged being ON a worship team and seeing what should be praise to our king seemingly come to nothing ( what happened to worship any way!? another topic all together). So I'll write more later on how that went.

his <><

What now?

So after some soul searching, a bit of praying and a tad of googling reasons to leave a church... I found that the only reason to REALLY leave a church is if they are not following the bible, are adding to it, or acting like God. Or if God sends you somewhere else. Which is what I already knew. So Scott and I (well me really because Scott has been saying we need to be there) decided to commit to pray continually for our pastor and for the church. YEAH AMEN! RIGHT?...

Well not 2 hours after committing to "be the change" we want to see and committing to inviting more friends and checking our bad attitudes in general it seems like the church might be calling quits on us. I don't know if that's true for sure, but I have to say I couldn't blame them. We're coming to a time were it's taboo to be a christian again; back to the days of persecution if you genuinely follow Christ and are not just a "Sunday" christian with the tolerance of all being the new mantra.
It's so disheartening. The economy is bad so people aren't being as faithful in their tithing, if they truly tithed to begin with (Scott and I have had problems with that ourselves this past month but have been keeping account of how much to add in following months) which goes to show we're not yet relying on God fully because I know people who tithe regardless of whether or not they have enough to pay for everything else... GOD help us to trust you more! How can we have a church with out people/ and if the people fail to give what is Gods how do we go on? We just need God to intervene right now, desperately so. I just don't know what would happen if the church did die out. I love these people, they 're my family...

Verse: Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


Okay, I'm going to try and not be anxious... but what actions can we take?

Would like to keep this updated more often...

Scott and I finally Tied the Knot! We've been happily married for 5 months now and I can say married life is TRULY better then dating or the engagement period.

So on to life.

We are currently waiting on God, praying for his direction on his call on our life, eliminating debt (because it will make it easier to up and do what God wants us to) and in general enjoying the small things in life. We're currently attending Centreville Community Church and praying fervently for this small Churches growth and a revival to spread across Centreville and the earth.

Scott's working as an Engineer for GHT Limited and I'm working as an office manager for Clark builders Group (hoping to get my RN by next year) but praying God would allow me to use my music to further his Kingdom.

Just little tidbits but I thought I should start keeping this updated. You know for me to look back and for family to keep tabs! (and so I can keep tabs on family... VERONICA!)

Loop holes of Grace

Okay so i know a lot of people who live by a kind of demented grace. This is where they think,
'GEEZ! I can ask for forgiveness later!'
I hate to tell you all this but God knows our hearts, he knows when we are sincere and when we ask for forgiveness just to make it to heaven. I think this is a heart issue, if you really want to walk with God then DO! A lot of people don't know where to start, (this included me) but here's the simple solution: PICK UP YOUR BIBLE! in Joshua it says
"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful."
I know this really works, when I don't read my bible first and last in my day, I have a much higher propensity to try and find "loop holes in grace". If you say you are a christian and don't read the bible you need to rethink some things, I feel like everyone feels like getting to heaven is easy, you ask jesus in your heart and go back to your life like always and then you get to heaven... THE PATH IS NARROW! I'm so frustrated for those of you who think this way, true we can't earn our way; but God desires to be in relationship with us, and we ask God into our lives so we can change! Hebrews 5:11 says this

11We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. 12In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

So when we are supposed to be telling people about God, we are still needing to be told! how are we going to share the news, if we don't know it ourselves! I am learning this to be so true. Here's where those loop holes come in again, do we think that some one else will go and tell others for us? are we some how special to be discluded in the appeal from God to make disciples of all nations? NOPE (read hebrews 6 also serious stuff about the danger of falling away).

I don't know if i made any sense but my point is this: there are no loop holes in grace! My brothers and sisters in christ if you have a genuine desire to follow him then meditate on his words, ask God to increase your understanding of his kingdom, and to help you with the fruits of the spirit (galatians 5 :22- 23) love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and selfcontrol. It's not easy but the end results in eternal life with the perfect love himself! ahhh it's awesome!!! I say these things in love of my brothers and sisters and I pray this :

May the lord bless you and keep you may he make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you may he turn his face to you and give you peace. Amen (number 6: 24-26)

LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Spring Break trip

Just wanted to put pictures up of all my fav ladies!!! haha

Nikki and Scott

This is a picture of my boyfriend and me, isn't he cute!!! lol okay now to serious post