The Plague and some baby blues~

So I know I promised to blog more... And yet here I am 4-5 weeks from my last post finally posting a blog (and this one will have to be short). I really did mean to write something sooner, but the Haun house hold has just begun to recover from the Plague (not the real plague of course, that was deadly and bubonic) but the pneumonia inducing (at least in Scott’s case see his pict at hosp), fever spiking, nose dripping, lying in bed 24-7 variety of plague… and I’m cautiously declaring our freedom from the nasty little virus that is now making its way through the Rivera house hold (sorry fam!).PRAISE GOD!!! Their recovery couldn’t have come at a better time because today I am 12 weeks pregnant and more exhausted then ever!


Exhaustion is my new way of life. It seems that I rarely have a moment in which I feel like myself. I’m definitely not one of these “I love being pregnant” type gals, the end result is worth it (at least it feels that way at the end) but all this in between stuff is not for the weak at heart. Every day I think the nausea is starting to subside and decide that it will be the day I wean myself off Zofran (the miracle morning sickness drug), and every day I throw up everything I’ve had that day and then some… and dig my Zofran out of the drawer…so it looks like my love affair with it will continue… It worries me a little because there has not been much research done on it, but the midwives keep assuring me that it is safe… hmmm When do the benefits ever really outweigh the risks? …


In other prego news I have not been able to shake feelings of general sadness. I’m not a sad person, I love to laugh, play, sing dance and I haven’t really felt like doing any of that these last few weeks. I’ve been feeling disconnected with everyone and everything and even with this pregnancy… It’s been rough I’m not going to lie. It’s been a struggle to get out of bed and put my clothes on! SO if you are a little prayer warrior would you mind adding me to your list!? The enemy sure knows how to speak lies to us in our most vulnerable moments… I’m trying to cling to the truth that God will never leave me or forsake me! I have my 12 week checkup today at 2:15 maybe that will give me some excitement over new baby and cheer me up!


Today’s High- Getting to go to my 12 week check up!
Today’s Low- Having to take a jug of my pee to my 12 week check up to get a baseline on my protein (gross, tmi, I know)
OOOOO can’t wait to share my Luca 2 year old birth day ideas!!! VERY COOL!!! xoxox



(can you tell i'm hoping girl?) lol

Jumped the gun?

I'm very sad right now. This morning I had some spotting and now I have cramping. I officially think something is terribly wrong with my body that at 26 years old i can't seem to hold on to a pregnancy again(if this is the beginnings of a miscarriage)... which we all must admit it just might be.

I thought it wouldn't hurt this time, I thought I'd hardened my heart to the pain and excitement... but I think deep down I thought that this pregnancy was sort of a promise from God that he had not forsaken me in my darkness... I'm far enough along that if everything is okay they should be able to see something. I'm going in for and U/S at 12:45... My faith is so weak right now I have almost no hope of hearing good news.

It's funny how wrong all my presumptions were... I thought if I announced my joyous news to all my friends/family early it would somehow solidify this little life and give him/her some measure of permanence... I also thought, given how sick I’ve been the last 48 hours (all the pregnancy symptoms!) that I had jumped in to the "safe" category of pregnant women as one who displayed all the signs of a "strong" pregnancy. I guess there are no guarantees no matter what. I'm even more thankful for my son Luca now that I know how precarious this baby making thing is. I took it for granted that I could have children when I wanted. I guess I even had pride at how fast I was able to conceive... God forgive my pride and misplaced trust in things other than you!

Hope I have some good news for you all this afternoon... but if not I cling to a God who is found in the broken down...

***UPDATE***
So I do have good news! Thanks be to God my lil beans heart is still beating. I can only hope and pray it stays that way. The Doctor/Radiologist said everything looked great, cramping was normal/common in the first few weeks and they could not see a source for the bleeding (sorry for the TMI). They said it's most likely old blood from implantation. Keep praying for us.

God sure is teaching me to go to him in all things. I just pray I am as faithful in the valley as I am on the mountain Top. Though he slay us right?! XOXOX


My lil Bean

In awe of you

I love the words to that song
"You are Near"
In awe of You we worship
And stand amazed at Your great love
We're changed from glory to glory
We set our hearts on You our God
Now Your presence fills this place
Be exalted in our praise
As we worship I believe
You are near

Last night waiting to drift in to sleep I thought "God, I love you..." and I was so amazed, not because I haven't thought this before, or said; but because they were words from my heart, spoken to God with true sincerity, I don't know how to describe it. I'm not implying that I wasn't sincere in saying it in the past, it's more that I WANTED to be sincere, I wanted to love God I wanted to, perhaps at the same time being unsure if I really did. As my heart said these words, I felt true joy in knowing that this prayer for me has been answered... "God" I would pray, let me love you, truly love you! and not out of hope of gain or for a get out of jail free card, a real love, like you love me!" I know it sounds silly, but I want a heart like Enoch's, are heart so pleasing to God that he would capture me up with him in heaven, AGAIN not so i wouldn't taste death but so I can be in the presence of God who is Joy eternal. :) ha ha it makes me smile to think about him, the master shepherd and the gentleness in which he holds me!

So tonight I stand in awe and amazed at his great love! So grateful that he has shown me in his infinite mercy how to love him in a way to make me want to steadfastly seek him.
~That would be my prayer, that I would love him so much my feet would fly away from sin and run in to his arms.

Here's a great verse, I just read to sum up my thoughts!

Psalm 51:9-10
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

mmmm, so happy!